Supporting Emotional Development in Children: Age-by-Age Strategies for Parents
Big feelings are a normal part of growing up. From toddler tantrums to teenage mood swings, emotional ups and downs are part of healthy development. The skill of emotion regulation develops over time and looks different at every age.
As a parent, you play a key role in helping your child learn how to handle their emotions in ways that are safe, healthy, and appropriate for their age. In this post, I’ll break down what emotion regulation typically looks like at different stages and share developmentally-informed ways you can support your child along the way.
Ages 2–5: The Foundation Years
What emotion regulation looks like:
Intense, fast-changing feelings (happy one moment, melting down the next)
Difficulty putting feelings into words
Tantrums and physical outbursts when overwhelmed
Reliance on caregivers to calm down
How parents can support:
Name feelings out loud: “You’re really mad that it’s bedtime.” This helps kids learn to label emotions.
Stay calm during outbursts: Your calm nervous system helps regulate theirs. If you need to take a break and walk away to do this, that’s normal!
Offer simple coping tools: Deep breaths, hugging a stuffed animal, taking a break.
Set consistent boundaries with warmth: “It’s okay to be mad. It’s not okay to hit.”
Practice through play: Use pretend play to explore emotions and solutions.
💡 Emotional meltdowns are normal at this age. Your child doesn’t have the words to say they’re struggling yet, but their behavior is letting you know that they’re having a tough time.
Ages 6–9: Learning to Pause
What emotion regulation looks like:
Improved ability to use words to express feelings
Ready to learn more coping tools and try them out when they’re feeling upset
Will likely need reminders to use tools when upset
Increasing self-awareness, but still impulsive at times
How parents can support:
Teach and practice coping skills: Deep breathing, drawing feelings, physical movement, journaling.
Use emotion coaching: Help them understand why they’re feeling something and what to do next.
Normalize mistakes: “Everyone gets upset sometimes. Let’s talk about what you can try next time.”
Use books and stories: Explore characters’ emotions and choices to build emotional literacy.
Create a calm-down space at home: A cozy corner where they can go to reset when overwhelmed. You can set this up with your kid and get them to help you pick calming tools (e.g., something that smells nice, a soft cozy stuffed animal, coloring pages, etc.)
💡 Kids at this stage are learning how to pause between feeling and acting. Your guidance helps them build that emotional “muscle.”
Ages 10–12: The Preteen Push and Pull
What emotion regulation looks like:
Greater self-control, but still struggling with strong emotions like embarrassment, frustration, or exclusion
Heightened sensitivity to peer acceptance
May want independence but still need emotional support
Beginning to hide emotions or feel ashamed of “big feelings”
How parents can support:
Be available without judgment: Let them talk when they’re ready, and don’t rush to solve. Try not to ask as many questions and let them come to you.
Model emotional regulation yourself: Talk about how you manage frustration or disappointment.
Respect their growing independence: Offer support, not lectures. The goal is to get them to come to you, so create a space where that feels safe.
Problem-solve together: “What do you think would help next time that happens?”
Use humor and empathy: A little playfulness can lower defenses and build connection.
💡 Preteens may act like they don’t need you, but your emotional availability is still their anchor.
Ages 13–18: The Teen Years
What emotion regulation looks like:
Increased ability to reflect on emotions, but still vulnerable to emotional highs and lows
More internalized emotions (anxiety, sadness) and possible withdrawal
Strong desire for autonomy, less likely to seek help
Emotion regulation influenced by peer relationships, identity, and self-esteem
How parents can support:
Respect their emotional experience: Avoid minimizing (“It’s not that bad”) and focus on listening.
Encourage healthy outlets: Journaling, sports, music, and creative expression can go a long way.
Keep the door open: Even when they push you away, keep showing up with consistency and compassion. You don’t have to ask questions to get them to talk, but let them know that you’re there and ready to listen.
Teach that feelings aren’t facts: Help them learn to question their inner critic or catastrophic thoughts. Ask them what the worst case scenario is and how they would handle it if it happened.
Normalize therapy or mental health support: Let them know it’s okay to ask for help outside the family too.
💡 Teen brains are wired for emotional intensity. Your calm presence helps them find their way through it.
Emotion Regulation Is a Lifelong Skill
Everybody learns to manage emotions at their own pace, but with warmth, structure, and consistent support, parents can create a safe environment for that growth. You don’t need to fix every feeling. Your job is to be a steady presence, help identify feelings, and model how to cope.