Helping Your Anxious Child Transition Back to School
As the start of the school year approaches, many kids feel a mix of excitement and nervousness. But for some children, especially those who are hard on themselves, perfectionistic, or in high-achieving academic environments, this transition can bring a wave of anxiety.
Maybe your child is already worrying about getting straight A’s, disappointing a favorite teacher, or making a single mistake. Maybe they’re dreading the social pressures, performance expectations, or simply the pace of the school day.
Why Back-to-School Can Be So Stressful (Especially for Kids Who Expect a Lot of Themselves)
Children who put intense pressure on themselves to do well are often sensitive, bright, and highly motivated. They care deeply, which can easily turn into anxiety when they feel their worth depends on always getting it “right.”
You might hear:
“What if I mess up?”
“Everyone else is better than me.”
“I have to be perfect or I’ll fall behind.”
These worries aren’t just about school, they’re about identity, safety, and self-worth. And they often show up as school refusal, stomachaches, trouble sleeping, or shutdowns around homework.
Here’s how you can help ease the transition.
5 Practical Tips for Supporting Your Anxious Child This School Year:
1. Validate First, Problem-Solve Second
Start by letting your child know it’s okay to feel nervous. Avoid the instinct to immediately “fix” or dismiss their fears (e.g., “You’ll be fine” or “There’s nothing to worry about”). Instead, try:
“It makes sense you’re feeling this way. A new school year can be a big deal.”
“You’re not alone. Lots of people feel nervous before school starts.”
2. Help Set Reasonable (Not Rigid) Expectations
Perfectionistic kids often create unrealistic standards that leave no room for flexibility or mistakes. Help them focus on effort over outcome, and set goals that are achievable and growth-oriented:
Instead of “I need straight A’s,” try “I want to stay organized and ask for help when I need it.”
Reinforce that learning includes mistakes and success isn’t all-or-nothing.
3. Preview and Practice the Return to School
Do some gentle “exposures” to reduce anticipatory anxiety:
Visit the school building or walk the route to class.
Practice waking up on the school schedule a few days early.
Create a checklist together of what will go in their backpack or lunchbox.
These small steps help reduce uncertainty, which is one of anxiety’s biggest fuel sources.
4. Build in Calming Transitions
Going from summer to school mode is a big shift. Create bookends to the school day that feel safe and grounding:
Morning: a few minutes of cuddling, a short walk, or mindful breathing.
After school: a calm snack break before diving into homework or activities.
For kids who are overstimulated or internalizing stress, these moments of intentional pause can make a huge difference.
5. Focus on Connection, Not Correction
When school feels stressful, your relationship is the buffer. Prioritize time with your child that isn’t about performance. Take time to read together, play a game, or even just sit side by side.
When they know your love isn’t conditional on their grades, behavior, or output, they have more room to be curious, creative, and self-compassionate.
Final Thoughts
Back-to-school doesn’t have to mean back to burnout. With support, your child can learn to meet challenges with resilience, not rigidity, and start to believe they’re more than their performance.
If your child’s anxiety feels like more than just jitters, if they’re refusing to go to school, frequently crying, or experiencing ongoing physical symptoms, it may be time to connect with a therapist.
Therapy can help kids:
Identify and challenge perfectionistic thoughts
Learn coping skills to manage stress and overwhelm
Build self-worth that isn’t tied to achievement
✨ Want to talk more about how therapy can help? Reach out here to schedule a free consultation.